Step 1 — Gentle start‑up

• I feel (one feeling) about (specific event) and I need (clear request).

  • Example: “I feel overwhelmed about the budget, and I need us to sit down for 20 minutes tonight to plan next week.”

Step 2 — One thing at a time

• Park old issues: “Let’s stick to this one thing so we can actually solve it.”

Step 3 — Repair moves

• “You’re right, I missed that.”

• “I want to understand—tell me more.”

• “Pause? Let’s come back in 10 minutes.”

Step 4 — Boundaries = limits + follow‑through

• Limit: “If voices go above a 5/10, I’ll pause the talk.”

• Follow‑through: “If it happens, I’ll take a 15‑minute break and we’ll try again.”

Step 5 — Agreement & next step

• What will each of us do? By when? How will we check in?

Bonus (co‑parenting):
Use the same script for kid‑related topics. Keep it brief, specific, and scheduled.